Sunday, August 19, 2012

How many stages are there?

Stages of grief that is.  I recieved word last weekend that my father had died in his home.  So far I have gone through shock, guilt, sadness, ugly cry and now I am not sure what to call the stage I am in and sometimes I regress back to one of the other stages.  In some ways I feel like I am becoming numb to it, but I think I kind of have to since I (along with my siblings) need to figure out what to do with his estate.  There are still so many things that will strike me and make me feel teary.

Dad lived alone in Las Vegas - the only reason he was in Vegas was to get away from cold winters back east.  Of course then he didn't like the extreme heat of the summer here.  He was found becuase the mailman noticed that the mail was piling up. Since moving here almost 2 years ago, he never really seemed to have a social life or even know anyone outside of a passing wave at a neighbor.  Of course I worried about this situation. His older brother actually died in a very similar situation.  Despite being worried this could happen, and despite his refusal to go to a doctor for any reason, I feel guilty that I didn't keep closer tabs on him. 

 I don't know yet what the coroner ruled as the time/day of death.  My younger sister talked to him on August 4.  My older sister's birthday is August 6 and she didn't get a call from him, so our suspiscion is that it happened around the 5th. The sad part is that he must have been dead in his home for almost a week. We were notified on August 11 what had happened.  I had not spoken with him for some time - even if the conversation would have been unremarkable compared to any other, I still wished I could have had it. 

This picture is about 24 years ago, but this is how I always pictured dad in my mind. This is when he seemed to be happy.  Even as he got older this was still the lasting mental picture that I had of him and I guess I will forever have of him.
circa 1988
(from left: Lynnann, me, Dad, Chris, Joseph, my remaining half brother Sean would be born about 3 months later)


John Michael Eagan
10/10/42 - 8/2012
Rest in Peace Dad

2 comments:

  1. Sorry for your loss of your father.

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  2. Wow, this is kinda crazy. This is how my father in law passed away. Single man living in CA, away from family etc. He had a heart attack & he was not discovered for a week. My thoughts are with you as you grieve right now. I'm sorry for your loss.

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